Unpacking my “bags”

Hello friends!

This blog is a bit of a departure from what I normally blog about – but I felt compelled to write it. A portion of this blog was posted on Facebook – and now I feel ready to release the entire post.

This last month has been a month of reflection for me – and a journey of self discovery.

I know that I have shared bits and pieces of me, sprinkled throughout my testimony and the positive messages of what ViSalus has done for me.

I wanted to talk about the mental weight that I carried – or my “bags”.

You see, when I lost weight, I felt that the weight was the only thing really “holding” me back from my destiny – and so I focused on losing weight – I put blinders on, and I got busy.

One thing that I was not prepared for, was this – as the pounds began to melt off, I realized that I had to face the very reasons that I had gained the weight in the first place.

At first I shrugged it off to convenience, I was on the road a lot, and I ate on the run – fast food was a primary staple of my diet. I soon came to realize as the pounds began to fall off – that there was a deeper root for my weight gain.

Pound after pound came off, but an interesting thing began to occur. Issues began to surface.

Lack of confidence. Bitterness. Anger. Disappointment. Lack of trust.

“What the heck is wrong with me?” I wondered. I should be happier! Why are all of these things coming back up for me? I thought. I would go for days, doing well on my program, and then BOOM! I would have a day where I just couldn’t get out of my head, and the ugly emotions that I mentioned would swim in my head, taunting me – to the point that I would get so wound up that I would reach for a donut, or fight with myself to keep driving and not turn into the fast food restaurant.

I realized that the issues that I fought with – the emotions that I didn’t want to face, where represented in the pounds that I lost – and that each pound of weight that I lost was uncovering an emotion, a disappointment – that I had buried inside of the food that I ate to medicate – my weight gain was a representation of all of the emotions that I chose to “stuff down”, with each bite of food that I ate.

I realized that I had insulated myself against every disappointment, and every moment that my heart had been broken – my weight represented my divorce, my resentment, my anger…

As I drew closer to my goal weight, the issues or baggage was still there – “Hello, you have to deal with us sometime!” they would beckon. As a christian, I realized that my weight represented a large disconnect from my faith – As crazy as it seems, I came to understand that every pound of extra weight that I carried was tied to my unbelief.

I claimed to love God, and I claimed to believe his word – yet even though I KNEW that I had to release the chains that were holding me down, and threatening to return – along with the weight, I refused. I realized that I had given myself permission to be angry, bitter, resentful and unforgiving – and that even as I looked in the mirror and proclaimed to love God and believe in his promises – I was refusing to truly surrender to his will – I held onto to these emotions as badges – battle scars -and ultimately pounds. I realized that each pound of extra weight was tied to every bitter emotion I refused to let go of.

I felt that I had a right to hold onto to these emotions – “But God, I KNOW I have to forgive – but you don’t understand how much he hurt me!” … “But God, I tried to be obedient to my vows – to honor YOU, and look how it turned out! He chose DRUGS and ALCOHOL over ME!”

I decided to turn these emotions out – to finally surrender my rights to feel them, and asked the Lord to forgive me for being so hard hearted, judgemental and unforgiving – and God showed me an amazing passage of scripture, which helped me to understand my season with him -

It all boiled down to my FAITH.

How often have I doubted and waivered from a promise that God has given to me, because of the amount of time that it took for God to put it all together for my good?

Too many to count! I can only imagine where I would be had I stood firm in the belief that God is not a man that he would lie, that God is faithful and that God keeps his word, which is his bond.I read this passage of scripture and it reminded me of how long we have to wait for God to fulfill some of his promises to us. The example given of Abraham gave me such insight, as I prayed and sought direction from the Lord, this past week.

Let’s remember Abraham for a few moments. Because of Abraham’s faith and his willingness to stand on a word from God - He was blessed with his hearts passion - a son. That beautiful gift of a son defied ALL natural possibilities.But here is the wonderful thing – With God ALL things are possible. Abraham had every reason to doubt. He was Old. His wife’s womb was dead. All natural logic and even science weighed against him. YET, he still believed. He still had faith. He still praised God, even though it APPEARED that at 100 years of age, he would die without receiving what God had promised to him.

Abraham encouraged himself every day through PRAISE and belief – a belief so strong that God was absolutely moved to bless Abraham, and in the end, EVERYTHING that God had promised to Abraham came to pass.BECAUSE HE BELIEVED. 

Today God revealed something so awesome – Every promise we’ve heard from the Lord, every dream unfulfilled – they only die when we die – and if GOD has promised it to us, he WILL deliver. Ps. 27:13 – “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of Yahweh in the land of the living.”

I hope you enjoy this passage of scripture on faith – it really reminded me to wait, upon HIM.

13 For the promise to Abraham or his posterity, that he should inherit the world, did not come through [observing the commands of] the Law but through the righteousness of faith.

14If it is the adherents of the Law who are to be the heirs, then faith is made futile and empty of all meaning and the promise [of God] is made void (is annulled and has no power).

15For the Law results in [divine] wrath, but where there is no law there is no transgression [of it either].

16Therefore, [inheriting] the promise is the outcome of faith and depends [entirely] on faith, in order that it might be given as an act of grace (unmerited favor), to make it stable and valid and guaranteed to all his descendants–not only to the devotees and adherents of the Law, but also to those who share the faith of Abraham, who is [thus] the father of us all.

17As it is written, I have made you the father of many nations. [He was appointed our father] in the sight of God in Whom he believed, Who gives life to the dead and speaks of the nonexistent things that [He has foretold and promised] as if they [already] existed.

18[For Abraham, human reason for] hope being gone, hoped in faith that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been promised, So [numberless] shall your descendants be.    

19He did not weaken in faith when he considered the [utter] impotence of his own body, which was as good as dead because he was about a hundred years old, or [when he considered] the barrenness of Sarah’s [deadened] womb.    

20No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God,    

21Fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised.

22That is why his faith was credited to him as righteousness (right standing with God).

23But [the words], It was credited to him, were written not for his sake alone,

24But [they were written] for our sakes too. [Righteousness, standing acceptable to God] will be granted and credited to us also who believe in (trust in, adhere to, and rely on) God, Who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead,

25Who was betrayed and put to death because of our misdeeds and was raised to secure our justification (our [e]acquittal), [making our account balance and absolving us from all guilt before God].

After reading this passage of scripture, it dawned on me – that I was not only angry and disappointed at the events that had taken place so differently than I had imagined, I was deeply wounded and angry at God!

I needed to be reminded that his promises do not waiver, and that we are called upon to exercise our belief that he will carry out those promises- no matter how LONG it takes!

When is the last time that you truly examined your “bags”? Is it time to sort through it, and discard those things that are weighing you down? All that he requires of any of us – is to simply come with an open heart, just as we are.

Have a blessed week friends. God bless and thanks for reading.